Bury Me Broken

Ego Be Damned

I woke up this morning with the truth. I don't know why I feel this way except maybe the death of my aunt who was one of the oldest relatives and the most significant matriarch in our extended family, next to my own grandmother, which occurred this week.

Truth hit me this morning, my truth. Not only did it hit me, it asked me to share. Sharing the truth is difficult at times because as Paul Lawrence Dunbar said, "we all wear the mask that grins and lies." I have an ego and I protect it like everyone else but today ego be damned

The truth is I have been fearful for the future of this nation and thus the world. I know back in the back part of my head that we are on this stage for a brief moment and that no matter what George W. Bush and the neocon entourage have done, in the words of Bob Marley, "everything's gonna be alright." But most of the time, I forget that, caught up in my attention being hooked (Don Miguel Ruiz) by those who would have me look this way while they perform their dastardly sleights-of-hand, with our lives, in the other direction.

The truth is I have been fearful because so many people voted for our president in 2004. I didn't want to believe, I couldn't believe that our attention spans were so short, that the environment didn't matter, that the economy didn't matter, that this attack on science didn't matter, that thumbing our noses at the rest of the citizens of the planet didn't matter and that the fact that there were no weapons of mass destruction didn't matter. I didn't want to believe that so many people could be herded like cattle into the booths for a single issue. I didn't want to believe that so many people would repeat a thing simply because they heard it regurgitated, unaware that it originated with the RNC or the AEI or any of those other dastardly initials. I didn't want to believe that my next door neighbor's attention was hooked with patriotism and freedom fries when the aluminum tubes and biological dispersing drone aircrafts were obvious forgeries from Tom Clancy.

I am not the fearful type I told myself. Why, I grew up in the hood, fought to survive, joined the Army, I skydive. Me, fearful? Yes, I have been.

But why? Because I have forgotten. I have forgotten the truth.

The truth is I spend more time at DailyKos than I do with my wife and she, the most incredible person I have ever known, is cool with it because she sees how empowered I am, how knowledgable I have become, how enthusiastic I am when I am talking about Jerome a Paris or Plutonium Page, kid oakland or MaryScott OConnor, Hunter going off or Meteor Blades, AnnArborBlue who isn't female or Darksyde coming way out of left field, talking about you all like I've known you since college, like "they so crazy" or like you'll be over for barbecue in the summer.

The truth is I have screamed at the monitor when we have argued over the infinitessimal in light of what I (ego) have judged to be the monumental. "Damn y'all," I have said when we went through the Barack Obama. "Damn y'all," I have said when we have argued there is no God. And, my ego has also said, "that sucks" because my comments never deserved to be troll rated, every diary I write should get a million recommends and my ego wants (dun dun da da)Trusted User status. [What kind of world do we live in where my diary just disappears down the list, never to be seen again?]

The truth is I don't even need to take those deep breaths anymore, the fear is gone. I know who we are and I know what we stand for and I know what our platform is and I ain't gonna tie myself in knots trying to frame it right. The truth is the Dean campaign gave me the opportunity to travel throughout the South and speak to people one-on-one and I don't need the latest study (though I read it) to tell me that this demographic hasn't changed the way the hellhound magicians would have us all believe. The truth is I just have to roll up my sleeves. The truth is I can make a difference right here in Orlando.

[Note to self: Steal more hair from Katherine Harris and continue mixing it with eye of newt and wing of bat; it seems to be working.]

The truth is I have been given a glimpse of another man's moccasins and I've seen how atheists in this society has suffered, and in that I am black, I recognize that beast. The truth is I have seen passion here unmatched anywhere else in my life; I can only hear about my mother's participation in the civil rights struggle or read about the bravery of those who hid the persecuted during Hitler's reign.

So I'll be back tomorrow (or actually later on today and of course tonight) and I'll be back the next day. Hello cruel world; I am posted up here like squatter's rights. And tomorrow we argue again but I won't be fearful. Tomorrow we argue again, but I won't be fearful.

posted by niteskolar @ 10:58 PM